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Ok, so let me start off by apologizing to my mother and any other reader who is not a fan of consuming alcohol.

cheers

Not going to lie to any of you; there have been times in my life where drinking played a very prevalent role in my social life and other times when I would go for weeks without having a drink.  However, when I was in graduate school and went out with friends on a regular basis, I was known to not only partake but to also participate in various drinking games.  Being a rugby player, beer pong and flippy cup were two of the favorites, but there were also card games, movie games, and truth-or-dare type games.  Again, I’m really sorry, Mom!

Never Have I Ever

One such truth-or-dare type game is called Never Have I Ever.  If you’ve never played, it’s pretty simple.  One person makes a statement regarding something that they’ve never done.  If any of the other people playing HAVE done it, they take a drink.  Simple, right?  Okay, so let’s play!  If any of the following statements apply to you, take a figurative drink.  I’ll let you know when I should take a drink too.

cheers

Never have I ever looked in the mirror and hated what I saw.  (Okay, this seems pretty easy.  I’ll take a drink.)

Never have I ever cried in a fitting room while trying on new clothes.  (So soon? Ok, cheers!)

Never have I ever mentally berated myself using the cruelest words regarding my appearance, weight, etc.  (Good grief!  Another one?  Down the hatch!)

Never have I ever lost weight, swore I’d never gain it back, and then gained it all back and then some.  (Someone get me a refill while I finish this.)

Never have I ever tried diet pills even though I know they’re a hoax.  (Oh man, this one’s strong.  Better sip rather than drink.)

Never have I ever starved myself, eating very little for several days only to binge afterwards.  (I think the ice is melting.  It’s going down easier.)

Never have I ever binged on thousands of calories in a single sitting.  (I wonder if they’d notice if I just pretended to swallow here…. Yep, I’m caught.  Two drinks for cheating.)

Never have I ever made myself throw up after a binge.  (I swear I’ll take a drink just as soon as my refill gets here…. OK, done!)

Never have I ever pushed my body to the breaking point working out trying to attain unattainable perfection.  (I think the bartender stiffed me.  I can’t taste any alcohol in this.)

Never have I ever completely given up on exercise all together for months on end.  (My friend just tried my drink and made a face.  Must be some alcohol in here.  My turn to drink again!)

The list could go on and on, but let’s stop here.

drunk and dizzy

Okay, okay….. Let’s do just one more…..

Never have I ever thought my body was perfect just the way it was.  (Wow!  This is the first time I’ve set my glass down since this game started.  I don’t have to take a drink here.  Wait!  What?  That is so not a good thing.)

change ahed

I’m not saying any of this to gain sympathy.  I’m putting all of these out there because I know that many of you have been or currently are in my shoes.  You have felt the despair that comes with being overweight and/or uncomfortable in your own skin.  The worst part of all of these feelings is that they are accompanied by the feeling of being completely alone.

We feel like no one else could possibly understand what we are going through.  Worse yet, when we do reach out, it can quickly come across as whining or compliment fishing.  It is easier to wear baggy clothes and not draw attention to ourselves.

guilt

For me, the strongest feeling that accompanies my weight issues is guilt.  I mean, it is my fault that I’m overweight.  I control what food goes into my mouth.  I control what kind of exercise I do.  No one force fed me junk.  No one forbids me from exercising.  I am my own worst enemy.  How do I start to address problems that I caused?

what-you-allow

I am in the process of trying to change the negative talk that flows freely through my brain.  I am working on loving myself, which in itself will bring peace and contentment.  I do not want to allow myself to continue with the constant mental berating.  I do not want to be unhappy in my skin for the rest of my life.  I’m working on reaching out and talking to my people when it gets to be too much.

love the process

I’m not perfect in any way shape or form, but I am willing to work on myself.  I am willing to try to improve.  I am worth the effort.  I want to reach a point where I can drink to the last statement and not drink to the others because they are so far in the past that they don’t matter.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

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