best friends, best laid plans, birthdays, college, dating, Facebook, friends, life goals, life you thought you'd have, love, messanger, moving, out of your control, Prince Charming, romantic love, soulmates
I am going to start off by letting you know that this won’t be like my usual blog posts. All of my posts focus around the themes of health, fitness, weight loss, and everything mental that goes along with those. However, I have felt inspired for the last couple days to write on this topic so I might as well go for it. Don’t worry; this type of divergence will not become a trend.
Do you believe in soulmates? And if you do, do you consider it a romantic thing or just a strong connection to another individual? Do you think that there is only one soulmate for you in the entire universe, or are there various people that you meet throughout your life that fill the role for a while? Is it a permanent connection, or is it temporary? Can you have more than one soulmate????
What qualities make a good soulmate? Is it someone who knows everything about you? Is it someone that is your complete opposite so that you balance each other out? Is it someone who is a combination of both? Is it a combination of people that fill the holes in your life to make you feel more complete and less disjointed? Do they bring calm and chaos into your life? Is it the person that just helps you to be a better version of yourself?
One of the most profound questions (in my opinion anyway) that I posted as a Facebook status years ago was, “Where does the life you thought you’d have go when real life happens?” Okay, maybe it isn’t that profound, but it is something that I have pondered from time to time. When I was a teenager, I knew that I had life figured out. I was going to go to college, get my degree in education, meet the man of my dreams, find the perfect teaching job, settle down in a smallish town, get married, make babies (3 to be exact – identical twin boys followed by a little girl), and live happily ever after. It was perfect. I had a plan, and once you have a solid plan, nothing can go wrong…. Right?
Last week I turned 33. I am healthy, and I have a great job. As I look back on my goals, there are many that I have accomplished and in which I take great pride I finished my Bachelors degree including student teaching in 4 years flat, which immediately transitioned into my 2 year Masters program. A month before my 24th birthday I had both my undergrad and grad degrees and was on my way to accomplishing all of my goals.
I got my first teaching job in South Dakota. It wasn’t my dream job, but I met and bonded with some amazing people that I still consider my friends. I was blessed with the opportunity to teach some amazing kids that I have kept in Facebook touch with over the years as well. My life was falling into place; all I needed was to find my Prince Charming.
I have dated, have been in relationships, have been loved, and have loved, but I have yet to find my happily ever after. I pray it’s in the cards for me, but let’s be honest, there are no guarantees for the things that are out of my hands. I can’t force a relationship to work. I can’t make a guy want to spend the rest of his life with me. I can’t completely change who I am to be found desirable by another person.
So does that mean that I don’t currently have a soulmate? Or is my soulmate already in my life? For so long, I’ve associated the term with romantic love, but the older I get the more I start to doubt that premise. I think that soulmates are people that God puts in our lives to make us more complete. They make us the best versions of ourselves possible, and once they fill that need, they are free to go on to help others. But if you are truly lucky, they stay for the long haul.
I think that soulmates are the people that you need in your life at that particular time and place. They can be the friends that you meet when you move to a new town but never talk to again when you move away. Does that detract from the friendship? Absolutely not! Speaking as someone who has lived in multiple places and made many, many friends, I can honestly say that I value each and every person that has entered into my life. We have filled voids for each other in the moment. We may not stay in touch beyond the occasional Facebook “LIKE” and/or random text or phone call any more, but that does not negate what they meant to me. They made me more complete and a better version of myself when we were together.
However, my truest soulmate is my best friend in the entire world. We get each other. We just “fit”. We’re alike and different at the same time, and it works. We look at each other and see everything that we want to be. She’s married with kids. My kids are my students, and I have fewer domestic responsibilities. She’s a stay-at-home, amazing mom. I teach high school Special Ed and Social Studies. She’s a homemaker and super domestic. I remember to feed my pets and forget to go grocery shopping. She is spontaneous and funny. I overthink everything and have a fairly dry sense of humor. We are opposites and are the better for it.
I shared this meme with her the other day via Facebook Messenger, and our conversation went as follows:
Me (M): I have this! With you!!!!
Her (H): I have this with you!!
M: See. Soulmates!
H: We will out live our husbands so we need each other lol
She gets it and gets me. I know that this conversation probably seems weird to the rest of you, but to us, it is hilarious and more than likely true. We have been friends for 10 years, and we have no intention of letting go. We compliment each other on our “adulting” skills and openly admit at we “life” better when we are together. It doesn’t make sense to others, but it doesn’t have to. We are friend soulmates, and I think that is one of the best versions of the term.
So to answer a few of my earlier questions: Yes, I believe that soulmates can be a romantic thing, but I don’t think that it is the only criterion. Yes, I believe that a person can have many soulmates in their lifetime that fill various needs. Most importantly, yes, I believe that soulmates can be disguised as best friends, and we are all the better for it.