One of my friends told me that I’ve been slacking on my blog posts lately, which is entirely true. I’ve been struggling with my eating and my workout schedule. Between preparing for and performing in the local community theater’s spring production and trying to balance some semblance of a social life, I have felt overtaxed. Thank goodness I will be done with the play this weekend, and my plan is to get back on track. Because I don’t have any major milestones to report, I decided that I will just share some random facts about myself that have contributed to the path that I’m currently on.
I am a Gemini, and more often than not I can see the split personality of the twins. I am loud, talkative, and outgoing…sometimes. At other times, I can be quiet, shy, and prefer to go unnoticed.
It is my shy side that struggles with my personal image the most. I realize on the surface that statement makes almost no sense. How could my outgoing side not have a problem with my size when my shy side does? I don’t actually have multiple personalities like Sybil. I just prefer to put on a brave front to the world, but the people who know and love me best know how much my size has affected my confidence and personal image.
I have cried in more dressing rooms than I care to count. During high school, Prom time was a great cause of anxiety for me. It’s not exactly fun to go dress shopping when you don’t know if you’ll be able to find one that fits or looks good. There were (and still are) WAY fewer options for plus sized dresses and clothing than “regular” sized clothes.
Another revelation about me is that I have a VERY unhealthy relationship with food. I eat when I’m happy, sad, angry, depressed, you name it. Food goes good with everything in my world, especially with watching television and/or movies. I almost always have an overwhelming urge to snack on something when I’m catching up on my shows or surfing random stations.
Unfortunately, I also watch an exorbitant amount of television. If you’re struggling with comprehending the actual quantity of time I spend in front of my TV, my brother recently asked me if there was anything left on Netflix that I haven’t watch yet due the large number of shows listed in the “Recently Watched” category.
SO as I’m spending hours in front of my TV, I am continually battling my urge to go into the kitchen to find something to snack on. Thank goodness I usually have the wherewithal to not buy my traditional snack foods, but that doesn’t mean that I still don’t trek to the kitchen and check out the food situation every 20 minutes or so regardless of the fact that I logically know my snack foods won’t have magically appeared.
Also with so many television shows and movies to watch, who has time to actually exercise? That is a thought that has gone through my mind more times than I care to admit. It is way more relaxing to lay on the couch and watch Grey’s than it is to get sweaty and yelled at by Shaun T.
I can also consume EXTREME amounts of calories in single sittings. For example, I used to easily eat a 10-piece Chicken McNugget meal large sized, a McDouble, and a large Oreo McFlurry from McDonalds. I wish I could say that my ability to consume massive amounts of food has diminished as I have embraced my new way of eating, but alas, I can still put that much food away without feeling sick. Again, I have developed better coping skills and willpower to the extent that I DON’T actually eat that much food in one sitting.
I share these tidbits not because I think that they are earth-shatteringly interesting, but because I think that sometimes people see someone lose weight and think that all of their old habits have gone away. That is ENTIRELY untrue. I continuously battle my old habits regarding insecurities, physical activity, and eating. It isn’t about forgetting who I used to be; it is about accepting and moving on.